A Normal Day
by Kimina-san
Summary: My version of a normal day for Akatsuki.


"You have failed to bring back the Nine Tails Jinjuriki. Your punishment shall of the utmost of all brutality. No cookies for two weeks." Pain, the Akatsuki leader announced and fazed away as he stopped the chakra flow from projecting his image just before Kisame slammed into the spot he once was.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! MY FISH FLAVORED COOKIES ARE DRUGS!!!" Kisame cried banging the ground as Itachi silently cried next to him.

"Kisame...come. It is time to go home." Itachi moped as he dragged his flailing fish friend out of the cave.

_**Later**_:

"HIDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!!!" Zetsu yelled as he chased the Jashin worshiper. "GIVE ME BACK MY PIGS MEAT!!!"

Hidan ran around the corner and tried to escape the plant man. "Jashin commands pigs meat! I shall preform the 'Shove the pig down the toaster ritual' for my oh so lovable god!" He yelled back as he flung the meat in the air.

"I'LL EAT YOU!!! RAWR!!!!!" Zetsu tried to bite Hidan but missed and ended up eating Kakuzu's arm.

Kakuzu glared and his green eyes began to glow ominously. "I'm going to kill you now. I would advise you stand still." He said and lifted his other arm but was halted as Zetsu booked it down the hall. "COME BACK!!!!" He bellowed and was going to run after him but noticed a penny on the ground. "Oh a penny!" He squealed and hugged it tight.

As Kakuzu hugged the penny, Sasori walked passed without his puppet covering him and rose a wooden brow at the odd display of his fellow Akatsuki member.

"Odd..." He said and made his way to the cafeteria.

"No way! Hn!" He heard Deidara yell as he entered.

"I know! No cookies!" Kisame whined to Deidara as he and Itachi were eating. Itachi was still silently crying and thinking about Sasuke. And then about cookies. Then Sasuke. Then cookies. Then Brittany Spears. Then Cookies. Cookies. Cookies. Sasuke. Ramen. Ramen? Oh yeah, he was currently eating ramen while listening to his iPod.

"How...how can you live without cookies?! Or pockey for that matter...hn." Deidara wondered as he scratched his chin.

"_Blow them all up..._" Deidara heard his left hand say.

"_Yesssss....blow them up!_" The right one said licking his palm like it was lips.

"STOP THE VOICES!!!!" Deidara ran away to blow something up as to stop the voices.

"Hm...looks like his hands are talking to him again..." Sasori sat with Kisame and Itachi.

"Yup." Kisame said as he ate his fish with a smile.

"Uh...Kisame...what are you doing?" Sasori asked as watched Kisame chow down on his 'food'.

"Eating. He won't let me have my cookies, so I'm gonna stock up on raw fish. And man is this a good one!" Kisame said happily as he sank his sharp teeth into the raw meat.

"That isn't a fish." Sasori pointed out.

Kisame completely froze and looked at Sasori confused. "What?" He asked and pulled the thing out of his mouth to see that indeed it wasn't a fish, but Itachi's hand. "Gah!" He yelped like a little girl and dropped his bloody and ripped up hand back to Itachi's side. He watched as Itachi payed no heed and kept eating his ramen while listening to his music.

"He is so into his music he doesn't even notice." Sasori commented and watched as Kisame nodded and slowly made his way out of the cafe.

"I ain't getting blamed for this one...not again..." Images of Itachi's foot came to mind back two years prior.

Sasori watched him leave and looked back to Itachi. "What the hell is he listening to that is so good he can't even notice having his arm chewed off?" He said out loud and snatched one of the headphones out of Itachi's ears.

Itachi took it back before Sasori could hear everything. But he did catch the single sentence of which haunts many to this day "_I'M A BARBIE GIRL! IN A BARBIE!!!"_

Sasori stared at Itachi for a second, eyes wide and a horrified look. He then saw Itachi look at his hand and began to scream like a little girl. "OH MY GOD! MY HAND! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!"

Sasori was out of there in three point 8 milliseconds.

_**Meanwhile:**_

Pain stared at the picture intensely. His gray swirling eyes glaring at it, scanning it, memorizing it, FEELING it with his eyes. But he just couldn't see it!

"Pain-sama." Konan walked in and froze as she saw what was going on. "Oh, it's _this_ time of day again isn't it?"

"I CAN'T SEE THE STUPID SAILBOAT!!" Pain yelled angrily as he glared harder at the picture.

It is said if you stare at a picture long enough, you'll see a image inside of it. Everyone says you can see the sailboat in this picture, but Pain can't see it himself. And damn it if he didn't try!

"I know Pain-sama. But maybe you're just trying too hard-"

"**THERE IS NO 'HARD ENOUGH'!!!!"** Pain's voice was loud and evil.

Konan stared at Pain with wide eyes, tears brimming her eyelids. She twitched and wailed loudly. "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!" She cried, large paper tears fell down her pale cheeks.

Pain ignored her as she neared him and cried louder. Louder and louder she cried as he tried to ignore her and focus on the picture. She was now practically at his earlobe when he gave in.

"FINE!" He turned and glared at her. "I'M S-SORRY!" He said with difficulty and turned away.

Konan smiled and patted Pain's head. "Good boy. Now, for why I am here-" She said as she pulled forth a box with wrapping on it. "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!" She yelled happily and handed him the present.

Pain held the box and began to tear up. "You remembered..." He said emotionally and opened the box. He gasped loudly and held it for everyone to see. "WORLD OF WARCRAFT!!!! WHERE I GET ALL OF MY IDEAS!!!!" He squealed and ran into his computer room to play.

Konan grinned and waited a second. She began to count the seconds and waited longer.

"AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!! MY EYES!!!!" Pain yelled and died.

"Ha! That's what you get for calling my paper planes crappy two and a half years ago!" Konan yelled triumphantly and ran out of the room.

As she ran, she passed by a certain room with certain actions going on.

"So..." Hidan said as the pig's meat was already inside of the toaster. "What now?" He thought hard and long about his next course of actions. "Hm. Who hasn't been in this Fanfiction yet?" He asked out loud.

"**STOP BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL!!!"** A voice came from no where and made Hidan scared.

"Jashin?!"

_**After 13 hours of praying:**_

Hidan walked down the halls trying to find something to do. He walked and walked, saw Kisame running from an angry Itachi with Waka Laka blasting through his headphones, and walked some more.

"I'M BORED!!!" He yelled and did a 360 to slam into the wall, because that's what he did when he was bored. Slam his body into the wall. Yes, slam into the wall.

"Gah! Bored!"

Suddenly, he heard the song 'Somebody's watching me' and noticed a stack of money with eyes watching him. "What the...?" He rose a brow and then turned to see if Kakuzu was near. He smirked and slowly sneaked up on the money. He could definitely use a few extra bucks to buy another season of his most favorite show ever, The Suit Life of Zack and Cody. He reached for it slowly and felt sweat drip down his forehead. His hand neared and suddenly he felt his wrist being grabbed by a thorny plant like vine.

"Ah! Zetsu! Let go!" Hidan yelled as the giant plant appeared from the ground and sneered at him menacingly.

"Give me back my pig skin! I'm hungry!" The green, black, and white...._thing_ snarled at the undead man.

"NO! I have already preformed the ceremony! It is gone!" Hidan wailed as he ran away from the green...I believe we established this already.

"GRAAH!!" Zetsu gave chase.

"What the..." Sasori found himself walking in the path of Hidan and was trampled to the floor so hard by Hidan and Zetsu that he literally fell through the floor, ruble and debris landing on top of him and nearly crushing the poor puppet user.

Sasori stood and let the debris fall off of him, as he is so cool that he doesn't even need to wipe himself off. He stepped over the rest of the ruble and found himself in Deidara's room. He looked and saw said person playing a game with Kakuzu on a small table in the corner.

He rose a brow and waited a second before Deidara spoke up. "K-9..."

Kakuzu looked at his half of the board and his green eye twitched as he deduced the results. "YOU SANK MY FREAKIN' BATTLESHIP!!! GRAHH!!!" He kicked the board to the wall over a smirking Deidara.

"Anything involving explosions and boom I win hm. FOR IT IS AN ART HM!!!" Deidara yelled the last part clenching his fist and grinning like a mad man!

Sasori walked over and patted Kakuzu on his shoulder as he pouted. "If it helps...Hidan has a pile of money he's hiding from you in his room..." The red haired Akatsuki member said and suddenly Kakuzu was up and bolted out of the room to steal the money to buy more of whatever the hell it is the man/thing buys.

Deidara was doing a dance on his bed when Sasori decided throwing the table at him was appropriate. Deidara was now unconscious and Sasori felt it a good day and left.

_**Once again somewhere we aren't:**_

Pain grumbled to himself as he walked down the halls, a small piercing machine in his left hand, and a paper towel in his right.

"Freaking Konan, ruining my brain with that...that..._video_." He spat and continued on to his current job.

He waved to Sasori as he passed and walked into the room to find his client unconscious on the ground. "Well heck, I thought piercing Deidara's tongues would cheer me up. But _noooo_. He is out cold, or dead. And that god forsaken song is still in my head!" He yelled angrily as he turned and found that Konan was right in front of him. His Rinnegan pupils shrunk and his worst nightmares once again came to life for a second time that day.

Let us just say, no one can survive the _Sex in the City_ theme song.

And so was a normal day for Akatsuki. Kisame was found hog tied in the corner with a plate of cookies inches from his disabled body. Deidara didn't wake up for a few hours and found himself with a major headache. Hidan and Zetsu were not seen for the rest of the day. Itachi took a peaceful nap while listening to System of a Down. Kakuzu was found happily looting Hidan's room. Konan felt bad for Pain and decided to cradle his head in her lap as he sucked his thumb.

And Sasori?

"And so the little ducky went QUACK QUACK QUACK, and lived happily ever after...THE END!" He closed the small thin book and smiled at all of his puppets who were looking at him. "And what did we learn from that story?" He asked out loud and was met with silence.

"That's right Jeffery!" He pointed to a puppet who was looking to the side with his arm propped up by a string. "The moral of the story is that ducks are stupid and need to shut up because people don't like them!" He cheered and clapped his hands for the puppet and cuddle into chair to sleep.

"Hey, Sasori-" Deidara walked into the room to find Sasori sucking his own thumb.

"GET OUT!!!!" Every single of the puppets ganged up on Deidara and made him piss his cloak.

Yes, a normal day.


End file.
